Pushing Through
Creativity is a funny thing. “You either have it, or you don’t.”
At least that’s what the world says. I believe that creativity has been there since the beginning, and it’s our jobs to keep it flowing. Over the years of apathy, distraction, and the stress of life, creativity has been lost to the void of busyness. Creativity is like a muscle that you have to train and workout. It’s got to be pushed and put in uncomfortable situations to grow. The last few months I’ve forgotten this.
Slowly the stresses of life have crept into my process of creating and disrupted it. I wasn’t passionate about certain projects or photoshoots. I lost a draw to photograph the things I once loved to photograph and create. I’ve gone through creative lows before, but this time felt different. I felt an apathy and almost depression move in and block my inspirations. I didn’t look forward to photographing anything, every time I booked a portrait shoot it felt more like an annoyance than an opportunity to create a unique piece of art.
A few months ago I photographed my first fashion editorial which forced me into a short state of tenacity and drive for a great image. Unfortunately, that quickly died off. I came to the realization that the reason why I was feeling this way and why I was not getting any work I wanted to do was because I stopped creating stuff for myself. Instead, I was just doing work for others and letting my clients tell me what to photograph next.
The pursuit of money has washed away the pursuit of art.
It took me a few months to realize this, but I no longer was flexing my own creativity, shooting my own work, telling stories I cared about.
One of the passion projects that I started early in my career was called Creative Space. The goal of it was to showcase local creatives I lived around who were doing awesome work of their own. I really enjoyed this as it connected me with local creatives and gave me lots of additions to my portfolio. Until this summer, my last portrait I shot for this was in September, almost 8 months ago.
It’s hard to explain what is happening. Trying to be a freelance creative full time to make money is no way to keep the dream alive. I’m not saying making money as a creative is bad (it’s actually amazing if you have the opportunity), but doing “art” solely for the purpose of making money will leave you burnt out and feeling a little empty inside.
When I first started photography, I photographed anything and everything. I was on the sidelines of basketball games and stalking the streets for some captivating moments. I photographed a bunch of weddings which is where I consider my roots to be.
I recently stopped this pursuit of trying to get the next client and starting photographing for myself. I would get up early in the morning and head downtown before the work day started. I focused on what I was feeling in those moments, and captured it best I could. This has been the first few weeks of seeing the light out of this weird unmotivated tunnel.
Creative slumps are normal. It’s normal to have doubts in your life. Coming to the realization that everyone goes through this is a breath of fresh air. “Finding yourself” only comes with patience, practice, and perseverance.
For me, it took me pursuing a genre of photography that others were doing to make big money. It wasn’t necessarily what I ultimately wanted to devote my craft to…but it was good for the wallet. The major problem with that mindset is your work suffers, and it becomes very evident that you’re not passionate about what you are creating. You’re just in it to make money.
My wife and I are currently in the middle of a big move. We’re moving to help a non-profit in Oakland, CA and for my wife’s job as an occupational therapist. I’m taking this as an opportunity to start over and focus on the photography I love. I use to tell myself, “oh I ‘love’ commercial work. That’s where the real money is at.” Notice I wasn’t passionate about a specific project or thing, but the end result of making money.
Moving forward I will be getting back to what got me into photography in the first place and that’s storytelling. There is power in a photograph. A moment frozen in time. That’s what I love about it.
I know this post may just seem like a ramble. But I hope that whatever your life looks like, you would find what makes you passionate. Find what makes you get up in the morning, and chase it will all you have. We all have creativity in our blood, it might have just gotten lost over time. Find it, implement that creativity in your career, in your relationships, in your soul.
If you’ve read all the way to end, thank you. This is my first story of medium so be patient with me! I hope that you can get something out of this, creativity is what will drive society. It’s what will change the world.
Never stop creating.
